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VALIDUS - Issue 16 - A NEW DAWN? NO, BUT ENJOY IT REGARDLESS
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Bjorn Harlan
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Joined: 20 Dec 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:15 pm Reply with quote





Pages 1, 2, 3
The very first issue! Back when it was called 'Hic Validus Percunctor', a terrible Latin translation of 'The Able Question', this Newsletter was a three page affair which covered many many fascinating topics such as Kla's glasses, homosexual elves and Darkcore's share price. And even more!


After the culling of pages two and three and two thirds of the name, we still have an amazing piece of work! The four stories include industrial action by Comic makers and how Pepper's boils are viewable from space.


The most detailed and focused yet with the entire 600 x 800 page devoted to the malpractice of some of the citizens charged with looking after this great Nation. A fabulous scoop for the magazine which gave us glorious reviews such as 'nice'.


In this Issue we tackle the rising spectre of unemployment and how the once prosperous nation is rotting in the stew of it's own effluent. Not that we mind.


Following the roaring success of Issue 4, we look at the other side of unemployment: 'Employment'. Mostly at how the employment in the Newsletter industry is doing more harm than good, particularly rectally.


Here, Validus picks up the explosive scoop regarding a catastrophic leak at a Liquid Hormone Chemical Plant which is affecting many citizens across Bedtime City. The first class journalism also calls into question the business tactics of the CEO of Darkcore Corporation, Jonpatrick Smith.


A most shocking report, Validus uncovers the national scandal of underage drinkers in Bedtime City, with some figures showing that 95% of citizens are not old enough to drink! This story came to light when a 6 month old baby called 'Roflbear' was seen with a pint of absinthe.


Yet another fantastic issue of a revamped Validus, this time sorting out the facts from the badgers in the mayoral campaign. All in all, most of it was badgers.


This issue Validus finds out the shocking truth behind the recent public room server crash and introduces a new member to the roster of willing writers able to contribute!


A first for Validus! A serialisation of a film, liscensed by the great Owl Gore! We apologise for the amount of censoring in the final paragraph, it was deemed too hot for national press coverage and we were happy to hide such candid sauciness.


A shocking revelation in Validus that our competitors are committing a large scale fraud! Coolboi Murdoch and his cronies are foiled by the truth and sodomised by a gorilla.


Terrorism in Bedtime City! The frightening reality of mortality and the temporary nature of life and news are thrust into our faces in this fascinating limited edition, get yours whilst you can still grab things as tomorrow you may have no fingers!


Our competitors are at it again, cheating their way against our vast worldwide news supremacy! Validus sensationally tells you everything you already know in it's own delightful way!


VALIDUS tackles the behemoth that is Forum inactivity and probably doesn't win! Note the headline has virtually nothing to do with the article. Lol.



VALIDUS is a Newsletter like no other. Not only is it a compact and direct source of farce, mockery and lewdness, it also acts as a forum for ludicrous and serious debate, often at the same time. Never look further than VALIDUS!
Reader discretion is strongly advised. At no point is this first class publication meant to be taken lightly. If I say jump you jump, dammit! This publication also has no affiliation with Gionatan Iasio and the Warbears. Also any views mentioned in the newsletter are often paraphrased or just totally made up (just like real newspapers do) so take care when quoting Validus in court. If you wish to be in Validus just write your address on your telephone number and send it by fax to my PM box. I hereby ask for constructive criticism if you must criticise my work. Failure to do so will result in a sustained campaign of abuse, intrusion and taking photos of your saggy bits which will leave you and your families terrified to leave your homes. I also reserve the right to ignore everything anyone says because I am the Supreme Overlord and Intercontinental Genius Consulate of Newsletters.


Last edited by TheTsar on Mon Oct 24, 2016 5:24 pm; edited 26 times in total
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Yummytummy Burritos



Joined: 29 Dec 2007
Posts: 1009
Location: England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:29 pm Reply with quote

Loving the Latin ;P

Oh, and everything else I suppose...
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Funny Lebowski
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Joined: 07 Mar 2008
Posts: 2420
Location: In my room, trying to keep my hair down.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:48 pm Reply with quote

Can I just ask: for Rowena's slot, do we send in our own questions, or are you making them up each time?
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Pepper Brancacane



Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Posts: 960
Location: back seat

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:49 pm Reply with quote

Needs more Pepper.
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Knyh Risotto
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Joined: 05 Jan 2008
Posts: 2358
Location: BACKWARDS

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 7:50 pm Reply with quote

NOT TRUE.

Payback.
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Bjorn Harlan
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Joined: 20 Dec 2007
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:02 pm Reply with quote

Funny Lebowski wrote:
Can I just ask: for Rowena's slot, do we send in our own questions, or are you making them up each time?

Hmm dunno

Oh by the way Rowena moved this to comics because it's too factual.

All spelling mistakes are intentional

And why hasn't this been stickied!??!!
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Rowena Svoltaire
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Joined: 08 Jan 2007
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Location: UK, England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:02 pm Reply with quote

Funny Lebowski wrote:
Can I just ask: for Rowena's slot, do we send in our own questions, or are you making them up each time?


I just made it all up (I know right, hard to tell), but obviously feel free to send stuff if you have a particularly pressing issue that would benefit from me solving it Kawaii
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Msc Anderson



Joined: 24 Dec 2008
Posts: 252
Location: Yorkshire, England

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:02 pm Reply with quote

Fantastic layout.
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Roxie Bauer



Joined: 04 May 2008
Posts: 1922
Location: Yes.

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:35 pm Reply with quote

Rowena Svoltaire wrote:
Funny Lebowski wrote:
Can I just ask: for Rowena's slot, do we send in our own questions, or are you making them up each time?


I just made it all up (I know right, hard to tell), but obviously feel free to send stuff if you have a particularly pressing issue that would benefit from me solving it Kawaii


You just wanted to show off your Mad Cookin' Skillz, didn't you?
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Rowena Svoltaire
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 8:46 pm Reply with quote

Yeah that's it, that's totally it. I don't have a hamster living in my stomach at all
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Takeoshi Totoro
Warbears Mockup Master


Joined: 19 Jan 2008
Posts: 2172

PostPosted: Wed Nov 09, 2011 10:40 pm Reply with quote

man i love some good qualoty mince
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Bjorn Harlan
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Joined: 20 Dec 2007
Posts: 2466

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 6:25 am Reply with quote

Takeoshi Totoro wrote:
qualoty

sounds so much more convincing, i feel.
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Traktor Totoro



Joined: 15 Dec 2010
Posts: 296

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:21 pm Reply with quote

I learn Latin in school.
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Hank Calothycos



Joined: 16 Aug 2009
Posts: 647
Location: my closet

PostPosted: Thu Nov 10, 2011 1:52 pm Reply with quote

Traktor Totoro wrote:
I learn Latin in school.
GOOD FOR YOU!
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Lolbear Simpson



Joined: 18 May 2008
Posts: 2944
Location: UK, England

PostPosted: Fri Nov 11, 2011 4:48 pm Reply with quote

Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who Is This God Person, Anyway?
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